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Wednesday, September 8 |
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| For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. (Col. 3:3) | |||
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Lord, what do You want?
The Lord opened my eyes to yet another error in my thinking (I think there is an "unlimited" supply of "errors in my thinking" for the Lord to work on). I am particularly aware of the struggle of my thoughts and heart in the morning when I wake up. My general habit when I awaken in the morning is to stay in bed often for an hour or so trying to focus my mind and heart on the Lord. This time is typically filled with thoughts and worries of various issues in my life. It is my desire to have a "good time" praying and worshipping the Lord, but my mind and heart often wander elsewhere. As hard as I try, nothing I do or think seems to change it. In fact, one of the reasons I stay in bed (besides the fact that it is comfortable) is to minimize distractions. When I get up I can be distracted by any number of other things around the house. As I look at the situation it would seem that I generally struggle with "distractions" in respect to the Lord whether I am in bed or up in around. This is definitely a pattern I have observed over the years.
Setting up this background, you can see I have a problem. So, what is the solution? Is there some particular truth of scripture I need to learn and take to heart? Am I just blind to something in my life? How can I get past this?
Let's step back and ask some more questions. What do I really want? I want my heart and mind to be focused on Christ. I want to have a "good time" of prayer in the morning. Isn't this a perfectly good thing to desire? Why hasn't the Lord given this to me? Do I just need to wait longer? Do I just need to trust Him more?
One of the problems is that I am asking the wrong question. I am seeking after the wrong thing. "What do I really want?" is the absolute wrong question for anyone to ask. This question is a selfish question and can only lead us away from the Lord, regardless of what we say we want. You probably see it already for the problem is that one letter word "I". It can never be about us. If our question has an "I" in it then it is probably the wrong question. A more proper question would be, "Lord, what do You want?". "Lord, what is Your desire and Your provision?" These are the questions which must stir our hearts. Our lives must revolve around the Lord and not trying to get the Lord to "revolve" around us.
Back to my original struggle. Is the Lord going to give me a time in the morning where my heart is not distracted by the thoughts and worries of the world? I don't know and actually that is not important. What He is showing me more and more is that my desire must be for Him and Him alone. My heart will never be perfect. I will always be distracted by something. In the midst of my imperfections I must trust in Him and rest in Him. His provision for me is perfect and complete, but it is never about "What do I want?" it is always about, "Lord, what do you want?" As we submit to Him, He will more and more reveal to us desires, wants and strivings in our hearts which are not from Him.
Think about it. If the Lord would somehow give to me an undistracted mind then I wouldn't need Him. It's not that He is trying to make me dependent on Him, it's that I truly am dependent on Him. The Lord is so good He only desires to give us of Himself, but we somehow miss this greatest gift of all and desire things and even noble, spiritual things. We are often so misguided. As long as we seek after anything but Him we will be disappointed. He alone is our satisfaction. He alone is our joy. The Lord doesn't give us joy and peace. He is our joy and peace. This is a huge difference.
I think we are all frustrated and disappointed about various things, people or situations in our lives. Is it how things go at work? Is it a relationship where you are not getting what you want? Is it someone who is not doing what you think they should be doing? I would challenge you to examine each of those areas and ask the tough questions about why you are frustrated or worried or angry. I would guess that most of the time the root of these feelings of disappointment and frustration is a desire for something you think you really deserve. It is likely something you wish was different or you wish the Lord would provide or change. The Lord is the only true satisfaction. He alone is joy and peace. To seek after or desire anything but Him alone is foolishness. Our sin nature (flesh) so naturally seek after and desire that which is not from Him. Christ frees us from these desires so we can love Him and rest in Him. As long as we continue to strive after these things, we will never know the fullness of Christ's satisfaction.
To put it in another way, the fullness of joy and peace in Christ is to be found only as we more and more lay aside all our needs and desires and trust Him for everything we need. There are probably things in your life which you think you absolutely must have. This is incorrect thinking and is not from the Lord. You need nothing but Him. It is not OK to think, "If I just follow the Lord, eventually He will change this or improve that in my life." I can't say it strongly enough. To look for or need anything but the Lord is not the Lord's provision for our lives.
The conclusion is that our hope and desire must be for Him and Him alone. It can't be for any good feeling. It can't be for a focused mind. It can't be for joy and peace. It can't be for others to grow spiritually. It can't be for a great worship experience. It can't be for our family or friends to change for the better. It can't be for a "good day" or "happiness" or any of these things, regardless how innocent these things may seem. We cannot desire any of these things apart from a captivating, unwavering desire and hope in the Lord. We will always see the weakness and failure of ourselves and others in the midst of this, but by faith we can know that we have died to all these things in Christ and we are free to rest in Him. We are free to love Him and trust Him in the midst of our failings.
February 2007
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