April 2005: The content of this article is a bit dated. A much better reference is the article "Walk in the Spirit not the flesh". After you read "Walk in the Spirit not the flesh", I think you will see that this article reflects an effort in the flesh even though it is a "noble" effort to please Christ in all that we do. This article was written back in 2001 long before (February 2005) I really understood the truth of walking in the Spirit.
 
 

The truth about our relationship with God is founded in the Word and in Him. These truths are directly from God Himself. What is not really described is how these truths work their way out in the lives of believers. Testimonies help bring the truth to life. We don't base our faith on what others experience and do, but another believers experience can help us see other facets of the gem of truth.

To this end, I will attempt to convey what goes on inside my heart and mind as a walk with Him. This is absolutely not intended to be a pattern for anyone to follow, but only an illustration of how an intimate relationship with God plays out in the life of one believer. Your "experience" will be different. You are unique.

I should add that I am far from perfect. In Christ, you can far surpass what you read here. Don't be limited by what others experience. Seek Him with all your heart and soul.

What I Used to Think

Before the change, I used to mostly talk to myself in my mind. I suppose we all have some kind of conversation going on in our mind most of the time. That is how it has been all my life. We hear "messages" in our mind depending on how we feel and depending on our circumstances. I would have discussions with myself and often it would be discussions in my mind with others. Work is one example where I would have an imaginary discussion with an individual. Unfortunately, many times it would be conversation based on what I think a person might say or do. I would often imagine something negative they would say and my thoughts would race around reacting to how I think the conversation might play out. This was something I always struggled with and I would try to think of something good, but often my mind would spin around in a negative way and drag my spirit down with it. I just couldn't get away at times. It was just what I always did.

Thoughts and conversations in my mind associated with work were a big part of my life. I have good job which I enjoy, but I would often be consumed by various thoughts about work. For example, if I thought I was falling behind in completing an assignment, I might imagine my boss asking me pointed questions about the cause for the delay. I would come up with responses to expected questions on the subject. On a more complicated project, the reasons for the delay could be tied into the work of other individuals as well. Anyway, I could "waste" way too much time in imaginary conversations concerning things which generally would never come up. I don't consider myself a worrying type of person, but certainly conversations on topics like this with myself would certainly fall into the category of worry. We can go over and over and over a circumstance in our lives thinking about things which will never happen or thinking of ways to change things over which we have no control.

What I Currently Think

I am not nor will I ever be perfect in my thought patterns. A key part of the transformation of my life has been what I think about throughout each day. The key change is that most of my thoughts and conversations in my heart are with God rather than with myself. I still struggle with falling back into conversations with myself which are not productive, but largely I focus my heart and mind on Him to the best of my ability. I see how I am to love God as much as I can. Devoting my heart and thoughts to Him is a key part of loving Him as much as possible can. So, rather than conversing with myself, I converse with God.

In the midst of all that I do, I seek to listen to Him and have a sense of His leading and presence. At the very least, I try to always be listening to Him. I try do this, for example, when listening to people talking to me at home, at work and at church. Most importantly, this keeps me in active, close fellowship with God, but it also serves to heighten my listening ability.

When I am at work performing various tasks at my desk, I seek to listen to Him in the midst of all that I do. Again, I am not perfect in this, but I desire to remain actively connected to Him moment by moment. It is my desire that nothing, no circumstance separates me from fellowship with Him.

At home I strive to remain in fellowship with Him at all times. As I am abiding in Him, it gives me special joy to spend time with children. It's like each moment is a gift from God. I savor the cute things they do and the wonder of the family God has given to me.

A recurring theme in my conversation with God is a love and worship of Him. As I am close to Him much of the day, it is so natural to say, "I love you" to God frequently throughout the day. I don't keep track, but I would imagine it is typically 30 or more times a day. Even as I pause to reflect on Him more deeply as I write this very sentence, my heart is enriched and encouraged by Him.

My Thoughts While at Church

One of the things which was a surprise to me as I sought to remain in fellowship with Him with all my heart was how different my experience was at church. Even before the transformation of my life, I was generally quite focused on listening to the sermon, singing the worship songs and listening to the lesson in our Sunday School class. The wonderful difference now is that I listen to God in the midst of wherever I am at church. Listening to God at church. Seems like what one should do, but I never actively did this in all the years I was attending church. I would be convicted or challenged by some truth and clearly see that as God speaking to my heart, but I did not listen to God all the time. I would listen to whoever was speaking, but I was listening in my own strength. If the lesson or sermon was not particularly interesting, I would get that much less out of what was said. Now that I strive to listen to God all the time, I always get something out of whatever is said because I listen to God actively in the midst of whoever is speaking.